“I Only Want to Dance With The Better Dancers”

Jan 1

Just wanted to share a recent response I sent to a student who expressed frustration dancing with less skilled dancers and wanted to dance more with the "younger and more flexible." Although this response was specific for this person, it's a message I've shared many many times over my 30 years of teaching dance. Hope this helps put things in perspective, and helps people find long-lasting joy in social dance.

Creating joy with all types of dancers.

A little real talk...some of your frustrations can be resolved as you improve your own dancing. I bet not all the blame is on those you’re dancing with. Of course every partner will feel different, and those that you consider the most enjoyable are likely skilled at making their partner feel good regardless of their level. In other words, let's say you dance with a professional. They are likely giving you one of the best dances because they know how to compensate for any missing or still-in-progress aspects of your leading. So, you'll walk away thinking that was a great dance. Then, the next person may be a good dancer, but just doesn't compensate for less experienced or skilled leaders, and so the dance may not stay on the rails and be uncomfortable for you.

This happens to all of us at every level. Joe Dancer may want to only dance with the younger, prettier, or more skilled dancers. But, guess what. The younger, prettier, and more skilled dancers....likely also wish they could spend more time dancing with younger and more talented dancers than Joe. I think the key to a good social dance experience and a positive relationship with other dancers and the community is recognizing this and being generous to everyone. To be a good citizen of the social dance community, you should dance with people that may not be as good as you, as well as those that are better than you. Try being generous and happy to dance with people of all shapes, sizes, abilities, and persuasions. I've seen time and time again, those that are picky about who they dance with...usually target those that are better than them, and eventually they exhaust the pool of dancers they want, if not annoy them. It's a reverse pyramid. Whereas those that are generous, and find genuine joy from dancing with people of all levels will last decades if not the rest of their lives being happy and bringing joy to others as well as themselves.

Being a skilled dancer is desirable and important. The more you learn, and the better you get, the easier it will be to have an abundance of dance partners. But, what is even more important is exuding kindness, generosity, and finding a genuine joy in sharing a dance with another person regardless of their level or ability. You get to hold another person and share a physical and emotional expression to music together for 3 minutes at a time. Isn't that magical? We are fortunate to be social dancers at any level. Try to never forget this!

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